urgh . my phone SUCKS big time. all it can does is make people go haywire.
' GENERAL : NOT ENOUGH MEMORY TO PERFORM OPERATION.DELETE SOME DATA FIRST .'
and how the f Im going to delete all off 'em if every button I pressed induced another beep sound.
ya da ya da.

I unintentionally fall asleep while reading my SS textbook.
yea. Id finished reading chem and phy textbooks.
I will just re-read 'em again later.

ugh what to do what to do. raarrrhhh. no msgs can go thru my hp right now, not like anybody'd sms me. but rarhhhh. ugh

damnation.

the 28th is finally here. YES. here, with me.
urgh.
english papers were okay I guess. I mean. I always say ' okay luh ', but when I gt back my results its totally so not okay.

Its already mid-year of 2006. Breezy holidays came and went. Everything and nothing had happened. I still remember vividly the last day of school last year. when we've got the first taste of our sec 3's class. How I hate it for not being in the same class as joanne. Cursing mr lim with all my limited vocabs. Walking down the corridors and stairs from my locker. and headed to heartland to eat french fries and sit on the 2nd floor. and I met him, yes. The day when I went back to my homeland, and it seems like the very next day I re-stepped my foot on this small Island. The first day of school, I was sitted with hailey and I was just too scared to talk to anyone but her. then, the 21st of february happened. and I had my term 1's common test. and then followed by one-week holiday. It seems like I have done nothing useful for these past few months.

sometimes I feel going to school has no use, it wouldnt be used when Im working anyway.
but another second, I worship school and the people in it,as if my life was made just to go here.

and Im making no points by typing this.

urgh. I saw something. yeah. SOMETHING. urgh. a book that should be nowhere in this house. fuck. how bad you wannna go bro. this is aint a big deal for you. but it is for me, where the hell went someone who used to say more nonsensical stuffs than me? you dont even utter a word to me now, you only talk when you had to make me feel so despised. how I wish you didnt go here. and how I wish I didnt too. dont u know that you've changed like sooo much, not that I have not. solemnly, this thing bothers me like so frekingly trucks much. and I wonder, would you bother to talk to me when we're way older, and we dont live in the same house no more, you've got your own life to cope with and I have mine. would you bother ? or better still, what you bother about ?

argh. english paper 1 and 2. Im taking 'em tomorrow. EVERYONE . go. GO EVERYONE. ya know you can do it.

I swear Im sniffing air thats poluted by smoke's smell right now. urgh. what the fuck had happened.

ouh people. my 'ohshuddup' now is LOADED. muahaha. yea.spent a good $ 25 on 'em. just hope they wont be any white elephant.

accepting mine the way they are means accepting whatever luggage they are bringing, eventhough that means getting oh-what-the-fuck looks from people.

MID YEAR. argh.

today was nothing but a boring one.

My words were nowhere but hanging in the air which I inhaled. I looked back at the good times that we had, not that we're not now, but some things just felt so oppresive. just weird. I tried steting, but the alteration just made such a great impact. Yes, things do evolve. I accept no objection. but, where the hell the before-evolving stuffs went? to the ground where we are stepping on, I presumed. how I wish, every things were the same as they used to be. Not that I dont want to move on. Im just too scared of changes. ugh. dont bother. everybody's changing anyway. neither you nor me is the same.

I'd rather off cracking my brain and bothering myself with my mid-year.

all parts of my body are killing me. they just wouldnt let me move without feeling any pain.

MY PARENTS ARE COMING . yeah right. I bet they are not. of course they said they will, they always do, just for the sake of indirectly-saying that ' see, our family relationship is so bonded together '. I mean like, who doesnt know. we barely meet. when Im there, none of 'em is free.and now , IF, they are coming when Im having my exams. like wtf. aiyer.

' you only can go steady when you're in university '. MAN. i was laughing my ass off when I heard that. solemnly, university? . gees.dun even know whther im going uni or not. as akong said there's this place for those business-course-taking-people inside. it requires only 4 -5 years of your time. and then you dont have to go to uni. so I will talk to my parents about that. but anyhow. I need to pass MY POA. ah freak.

I desperately want mid-year to end as soon as I wake up tomorrow. but the other half of me refuse to let time passes so fast. I just want to skip the struggling part, and let the happy moment freezes. oh yes. I WANT.

YOU MAKE ME WANNA LUL - LA

dont come to me just to make you feel a tiny weeny bit better.
I aint no some great solace that I thought I am.

so Kim Yu Kyeong finally performed. OH MAN !! i should have record the shit. but anyway, NEVERMIND. she did extremely great and as funny as always. =]

Physics test was , I supposed, owww - kay. at least I did all questions,nevertheless, I aint sure whether its wrong or right.

PE was. gagaga . solemnly, I dont know that mr Lau is that, you know, easily getting bluff. I ran halfway and stopped. after mid year, then gon run 2.4 . with jasmine and ivy =] .

NAPFA. oh man. Im telling you now. IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN. I thought its gon be a tedious n dreary one. but HELLO, its 3EC. how could I not have fun ? I mean the girls are just soo supportive. oh man. I just simply love them can.

and here I am now, typing while looking at the sky,its so nice luh. orange-ish and some blue-ish line,its drizzling and with the lightning strucking God-knows-what violently, just make it nicer.
Im so whacked, after those cheering, singing and , of course, napfa-ing. but they sure do worth my energy.

mugging together. anyone ?? I will provide peppermint chocolate ice cream.Im sharing the fats like what Hailey always tell me . =D

if you wonder what the hell am I doing here instead of somewhere else.
well, Im having my once-a-week illness. LMAO.

had trucks of fun in the hall. ' PUMP IT '- ing along with bernice. singing every single songs I could think of with my dearest jukebox, hailey. with supply of food by ivy. 'throwing' with agnes. gt poked by serene's long fingernails. and have mei shien and jasmine as audiences. and Ive got graffitis all over my hands. My class is so much fun. unbeatable.

I LOVE MY AKONGGGGGGGGG muahahahha. I was so delighted that the minute I saw it, I was stunned, just stood there for like ages. and took my hp and mmsed dionne, jo and hailey. muahaha. IT IS SO nice AINT IT ? sssshhhh. just nod your head.

some people just couldnt get enough of me, its like their purpose of living is to despise me. it is not their fault anyway. I got them. lmao.

KIM. go. go KIM.

xD : look at yours. they are ugly. cant you get a nicer ones ?
x/ : what dya expect from her ? I mean, what COULD you expect from her.
=] : what the hell is that supposed to mean ?
x/ : ( Talking to xD ). all she does is to pick up those on-the-ground apples, correction drop-on-the-ground and are leftover one . she has never try her very best to get those that are still hanging on the trees.
xD : haha . yeah .
x] : what merepek. the idea is to get as many apples as I could .and whether its on-the-ground ore leftover. its still called apple what. y'all merepek luh.

English lesson is no more fun. It used to be fun not because we could make noise, but because of the friendly environment.

my blog. this blog.has been nothing but a passe one.

its always about me TRYNA forget him,but all I do is saying and another bullshit. I never done so. never even try. so whats the point. Im just hurtin another one unintentionally. Solemnly, ITS SICKENING .

or maybe, about my bro who always waste money like fuck. when Im the one whos been spending money. but Im always blame it all on him.

another bullshit maybe, about me trying to study and get good results when I AM NOT PUTTING any extra efforts. like what the hell.

or perhaps, about what Im going to do for the rest of my life. when I constantly changing my mind. I dream like as if Im gon live forever.

or like, about how good eminem is, so forth and so on.

I just keep on posting the same old shit. and to think that Ive been posting 50+ same old shit posts is really a.. ermm.. muthafuckin shit thing to do.

I bet, you people. are pathetically SICk about this sickening blog.

lets not talk about past.

what the fuck was I thinking.
of course 'that one' forgets about me already.
its just me who keep on hanging to those freaking memories.
=/

people told me that I sound lonely.
and someone told me what the hell is lonely.
and maybe I really am.
nothing. nothing seems real no more.
No-shitly, all these stuffs make me feel like Im in a dream.
in a dream that I've been in for like centuries or so.
Time passes so fast like nobody's business.
so fast that I couldnt even catch up with it.
no one's there to wait for me.
every single one goes on with their own hectic life.
and I dont know since when,
since when I have changed to some kind of heartless ass.

SPORTS DAY.

I didnt turn up for this day last year as I thought its gon be a very boring one. as for two years ago, its because Im involved in band. but this year.I did as my attendance is already very bad.anyway it was totally a blast. the cheering. the camwhoring. the way me n hailey was looking at that particular pair and couldnt take our eyes off because of the sparkle in its owner's eyes. bernice. yulin. jasmine. maria. syaz. rufi. nadhirah. ms suhana. and last but aint the least, HAILEY. fuh. seriously. that was real fun. and no shit. it really was.

ugh, with the sunshine's shining violently right on to me now, I can hardly see a thing.
so anyway.
oh right. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNICE GOH!! many many loves.

so erm. life's becoming scarier and more. and most. the thought of growing up really does make me anxious, but exhilirated at the same time. I am far from insecurity, but nowhere near a sanctuary. I am thinking too much than I should. I should just sit back, dont give a wit about studies and be apathetic about learning. like WTF. I wont okay. I wont.

' people dont just drop out of each other's lives '

sad saying that, Im eradicating you of my life. =]

arghh. dont. please. not now, at least..

i can perfectly describe how he walks, talks, touches and looks like in my mind.
but he doesnt even remember how I look no more.
I mean, how could I forget about such stuffs.
they like, you know, form together and made a fossil of my heart, I would never forgt.
whats my point anyway. whatever.

after giving it a 2nd thought, maybe I should really off to JC. i mean, you know, why would I waste my time on getting to uni, if there is a faster way. the only bad thing about jc is its' hectic life, and maybe its' PE.
whatever, I might giving it another thought, later..

Im suffering from oedipus complex? nahh. of course I aint. you see, eminem is a bigg bigg star aite. okay, you tell me, who doesnt know eminem. NONE. even my lil bro knows him, despite the fact that I pasted his posters all over.
listen-to-eminem therapy, the best way everr.

I am young enough to make a mistake.
and old enough to learn from it.

no more weekly shopping.
no more buying any useless stuffs.
no more nothing.
call me nerd, call me bookworm.
for my future's sake, I'd do anything.

and dad, Im so sorry. we are.

I miss my secondary 2's life. I miss munching in the class, getting sweets from anyone who brought those illegal stuffs. I miss the feeling of sorry for mdm fauziah who always cried because no one listened to her. I miss despising racist, -I still do, whos seated not too far away from me and joanne will goes like ' aiyo, others also like that, always point at him luh you '. I miss 74 saying her favourite phrase ' sighs, last year liao..." she would fill it up with either ' must study hard, cant play2' or ' must have fun in school everyday, so got sweet? '. I miss o'ne gals sheer madness. I miss crapping away with syazwani and disturbing rufi with our lame craps. I miss teasing korrapong like hell, and getting a reply without any vulgarities in it. I miss mice,that eugene brought everyday, running away in the classroom, scaring the freak out of me. I miss not turning up for school and not being asked for mc on the next day. I miss taking neoprints so often with my clique.I miss people shouting 'moo' or writing 'niu' on the whiteboard. I miss talking about my life with joanne during lessons. I miss people calling me with the name of a guy whom I like then.

they are all memories.
sec 3 life aint that bad.

nice seatmate. fun-loving classmates. fantastic mate. pretty nice teachers.

what is life all about. and this is like the umpteenth time Ive been thinking what is my purpose.

so its like. my parents work their fingers to the bone just to get some shit for me, and of course my other family members, to keep on living. but well you see, living as a teenager, I want everything.its normal aint it. I mean, hailey is too, she wants soo many things. and thats neither a sarcasm nor a compliment. its just , ya know, a normal kinda thing. so what do I reaaly need for my survival? you know, I know and we know that its, for sure, more than just food or drink. personally, what I acknowledge as living is like, erm, have fun?. shopping, laughing, watching movies, going to places that Ive never been before and whatsoever shit. thats a life. and they dont come free. so, I wonder, my parents work like shit, its not 9to5, its like8to11 or sometimes later, and where the money goes? some big black square thing, clothes that dont look nice on me, or just simply snacks that I buy when Im chilling? they dont pay off my parents sweat for goodness' sake. and all I have to do to pay their sweats off is by studying?. like what the hell.
whats life anyway? Im too busy doing name-droppings, impressing him like shit, and more having-fun kinda stuff, that I actually never even think about whose hard-earned money Ive been using.
ah freak. I better off studying. the heck with it.
that if you know what I mean.

have you ever felt that everything is wrong ?
correction, everything you do, and only you.
and you dont even know what to fix.

have you ever been in a point of your life
where you feel soo ashamed of your own existence?
you think that you just a plague for everybody
you think that people are embarrased by being your friends or lover.
and you just wish you werent alive.

have you ever think that you have absolutely nothing,
but matterfact, you have everything.
and you have no idea of what you're missing
hence you dont know what to fill up.